Fears
by expectancy
Summary: In which the organisation discovers one of Tobi's fears, Hidan can't express his opinions without being criticised, and Zetsu is mistaken for an arachnid eater. [In other words, Akatsuki crack].


_So, I decided to try out writing a Naruto one-shot featuring the Akatsuki because come on, who doesn't love them? I hadn't had time to think of updates for my other fanfics because of school and things that had happened this week, so I just wrote this to keep myself occupied. Just to warn you; I'm very new to the fandom, which is why the characters might be slightly out of their shells. _

_By the way, sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes. I'm not great when it comes to English._

**_Disclaimer:_**_ I own nothing apart from the plot idea._

**Fears**

_Summary: In which the organisation discovers one of Tobi's fears, Hidan can't express his opinions without being criticised, and Zetsu is mistaken for an arachnid eater._

Every Akatsuki member has an unusual habit: for Kakuzu, it's sticking his threads in places nobody knew existed. For Deidara, it's throwing explosive clay at anything that resembles his new partner. For Hidan, it's slicing off the victims' unpredicted body parts during his special monthly ritual. For Kisame, it's dragging an aquarium to the bathroom. For Itachi, it happens to be sacrificing the members' most precious possessions to the Leader's secret giveaways. For Konan, it's automatically suffocating whoever interrupts her privacy with paper. For Zetsu, it's feeding plant fertilizer to anyone who enters his garden. For the Leader himself, it's absentmindedly attaching the disobeying shinobi to Zetsu's ceiling.

For Tobi, besides his unexplainably childish behaviour, it's sneaking out of the room he and Deidara had been sharing at late hours for no particular reasons – today, his choice was the kitchen.

The Akatsuki's kitchen was probably the most organised section of the whole base; the members seemed to keep their dining room in pristine conditions, apparently. When the masked nin first stumbled across the place with Pain, he had taken a liking to the specific room without having to be guided around it. This time, Tobi simply grinned behind his mask at the sight of the fridge, immediately opening it and ignoring the freshly-designed poster (courtesy of Kakuzu, or course) telling each member that anything they decide to throw away will not be replaced and that starving to death will go completely unnoticed. Below that, written in fairly-sized letters with a red pen were the words, "Greedy asshole".

"Hidan-san, Hidan-san, using those words doesn't make you a good boy." Tobi chuckled to himself, opening the fridge in the process and automatically avoiding the Leader's shelf. He swiftly glanced at Kisame and Itachi's only to look away without touching or moving anything. For all he knew, he wasn't fond of risking getting trapped in one of the Uchiha's legendary genjutsus or even having Kisame's Samehada anywhere within 5 meter radius.

Above Hidan and Kakuzu's (whose food had _actually_ been labelled) shelf was his partner's. The masked man momentarily stopped to think why it had been practically empty on the puppet master's side since nobody, not even Deidara, had volunteered to clear his belongings. He briefly considered it being counted as Kakuzu's supplies until reminding himself that the former Akatsuki member didn't need nutrition to survive. So, after seconds of hesitation, Tobi grabbed a container from the blonde's side, a plate from the cupboard and took several dangos out of it. The idea of cold meals had never made him ecstatic, but the intelligent part of his brain had decided not to warm anything up in case of accidentally activating his clumsiness and waking up the whole organisation because of a little stunt.

Carefully, the newest member switched off the lights in the kitchen and silently shut the door, then attempted to find his newest residing place lacking any source of light without any success – he wasn't positively set on walking along secluded passages alone, in case of seeing something that made him either terrified or uncomfortable. He reluctantly ran his fingers over the light switch and watched as the corridors brightened almost instantaneously, allowing himself to glance across the walls. When his eye didn't spot anything unusual, he carried on walking until he spotted the room and swiftly reached for the doorknob.

Right before that, however, Tobi decided to stare at the ceiling again. And there, right above the door, sat a spider slightly larger than Deidara's creations.

"DEIDARA-SENPAI!" he screeched, this followed by dropping the dango plate and hearing it shatter right after doing so. "TOBI DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! TOBI'S A GOOD BOY, THE SPIDER IS BAD!"

The screaming continued for what seemed like an eternity, and though the majority of the Akatsuki had been awoken by the newest recruit's yells, Deidara seemed to continue sleeping as the only noises coming from his chamber were soft snores, meanwhile the other members seemed to have been turning their rooms upside down in fury. Kakuzu and Hidan were the first to emerge from theirs, the former still unconvinced while the latter casually stretched his limbs.

"See, Kakuzu?" Hidan groaned. "I told you that Tobi went for an early stroll around the base, got scared, called for Deidara and the fucker probably stuck clay into his ears to sleep through it."

The scrooge sighed in annoyance and turned back. "Shut up, Hidan."

With surprisingly nothing to say, the white-haired man followed his partner into the room. Meanwhile, Tobi found enough time to attach himself to Hidan's pyjamas. "Hidan-san! Kakuzu-san! Deidara-senpai is scared to leave the room because of the spider, and Tobi needs help!"

Hidan only raised his eyebrow. "You're telling me that you've woken up the entire fucking Akatsuki," he paused to gesture at Kisame and Itachi, both barely asleep and leaning against the doorframe while Kakuzu nodded his head at Pain and Konan, both irritated by the lack of sleep and practically half-asleep. "Only because you've seen a small spider that wouldn't even get the chance to get near you?"

Tobi only shook.

"Right, I don't know why you're being such a dick about it; just get Zetsu to eat it." Kisame grunted, while the raven beside him simply shrugged.

"_I consume waste, not arachnids, morons_." Black Zetsu said, appearing virtually out of nowhere. The Hidden Mist nin hadn't said anything else after the spy's arrival.

"Zetsu-san, couldn't you at least try? Tobi won't make you; Tobi is a good boy!"

"Tobi, I said no." The white half of Zetsu said sternly.

The orange-masked man sulked in silence as Zetsu left the room without another word, waiting for another Akatsuki member to say something else. Konan was the first to release a sigh and approach the source of Tobi's worries.

"You've screamed loudly enough for the whole Akatsuki base because you've noticed a spider – a harmless spider – which wouldn't cause harm?" She spoke, sternly and calmly as ever, receiving a nod from Tobi.

"Deidara-senpai wouldn't wake up and Tobi needed rescuing…" He replied shamefully, his head down.

Hidan cackled. "See, I told you the bastard stuck some clay into his ears to tune out your screams!"

"Hidan, nobody asked for your opinion." The Leader finally said, glancing around the corridor. "We're not a lousy organisation, Tobi, and we have missions to complete tomorrow. Therefore, if you're scared, then scream in silence."

"I suppose you want me to take care of it, Pain?" His companion sighed.

"You're too sympathetic at times, Konan." The orange-haired man then turned back and followed the other members. "I'll leave the decision to you."

Sighing for the third time, the paper wielder simply flicked her hand and the wall segment was covered by multiple sheets of paper, no spider in sight. Tobi immediately embraced Konan in a tight hug, the female grimacing and wincing.

"Konan-san! You rescued Tobi!"

"Yes, I did. Would you be kind enough to release me now?"

"Of cou-"

Breaking the end of Tobi's sentence was a soft click signalling an opened door and the sight of a restless Deidara right before him. The blonde looked puzzled, and then turned around to see the entire wall covered with paper, before turning once again and focusing his blue eyes on his partner, who had instantly become nervous and fidgety.

"T-Tobi can explain, Deidara-senpai…" He squeaked.

Deidara looked completely unaffected and averted his vision towards the ground. "Tobi…" He glared at the shattered plate with the remains of his food stuck between the pieces.

"Y-yes?"

"Were these dangos taken from my container, un?"


End file.
